My celebrity crush -
Actually I have a couple of these...and if I were to award each a "top prize" they would win the following:
Longest at the Top: Nigel John Taylor
Man I'd Leave YOU For: Michael Jordan
One I Got Closest To: Aaron Voros
Common theme? Gorgeous!
Love you guys!
I've been plagued by a recurring nightmare since I broke up with my boyfriend. One of those dreams that wakes me up and because I'm so upset I find it nearly impossible to go back to sleep. In fact, I just got out of bed Friday morning (2:30 AM) and worked because it was better than trying to relax and talk myself out of freaking out.
In the dream I know someone is in my living room, just sitting there. I don't know how he got in and I don't know why. I don't feel safe though I don't feel like he's going to attack me or hurt me but he IS in my house and I'm asleep. In the dream I know he is a neighbor but when I'm awake I know I've never seen this person before and definitely not in my apartment building.
When I am finally able to wake myself up and listen in the dark, I can tell that no one is here (I've gotten up and checked many times), I lie in bed crying because I'm alone in my bed, alone and scared, and I want my boyfriend back...I want him to be sleeping next to me so I can roll over and be held, protected, safe. The tears end up coming faster and harder missing him in my bed, in my life!
Is my subconscious trying to tell me something? If my subconscious is trying to tell me that I felt safe and protected as part of a couple then it can stop that dream because I know that about me, about that relationship. If my subconscious is trying to tell me something else then it might want to try another dream because this one only makes me miss him and all we won't have together.
Something I don't leave the house without -
I rarely leave my apartment without my cell phone. Surprised? No, of course not. Most people in 2011 don't leave their cell phones anywhere, there's too much information on a cell phone that we might need and they're not just for calling people anymore. I can update Facebook, Twitter, LinkedIn; I can look for things to do, make an OpenTable reservation, find my mother's mailing address; I can listen to music, watch TV and flip through my photo album; I check the weather, check in with friends, check my bank account balance. My cell phone is my link to the world.
Now if I could only get my phone to tell me it loves me, wash the dishes and fold the laundry...then it would be PERFECT!
A TV show I'm currently addicted to -
I don't have cable TV. I pay for the internet and to stream TV/movies from Netflix and Hulu. The show that I currently LOVE watching is exclusively on Hulu.com: The Misfits.
I am current on all the episodes released on Hulu and last night found myself wishing it was Monday so I could watch the next installment. Now that's addicted! I will also admit that I love ABC's Castle so when it's back, I'll probably be stuck on the two.
I hate being attached to a TV program. Too often too few of us like the show so it ends up getting cancelled then I have to find another program to enjoy and I have very specific tastes in TV programs. I want the quirky comedy-drama with superb acting and excellent writing. I have no patience for reality TV (I have quite enough cut-throat reality BS in my life already to invite more in through the "idiot box"). I love watching sports and hate the weeks between the end of hockey and the start of the Tour de France and then from the Tour till when football starts. Of course I won't get to watch football this year because I won't pay for online access.
How much longer till The Misfits?
My favorite musician and why -
Hmmmm..."musician" implies one person but I don't have a one-person-favorite when it comes to music. I can't remember a time when I wasn't listening to music, playing records, searching for that AM station hidden between the all-talk radio as a kid on my mother's (now) antique radio and record player console...I think I took that thing apart and put it back together so many times I could have been an electrical engineer! One of my first memories of me and my father is being in the Ryder truck with him as we moved from NYC to Monroe Township NJ, listening to the radio and singing all the words to American Pie...I was 5.
When we moved to Florida and I felt so alone and miserable I begged my mother to let me listen to her records. I played Ricky Nelson, the Beatles, Elvis and even Frank Sinatra over and over and over again. I still remember most of the words and find myself recognizing elevator music, singing along and tapping my foot. Yep, I'm that weird lady.
Since 1983 one band has remained at the top. I've only spent more money on my education and my family than I have on paraphernalia, concerts and the music of Duran Duran. Why? At first the music was fun, catchy 80s songs, easy to love "top 40" style but eventually I grew to love the songs not played on the radio - Make Me Smile (Come Up and See Me), Silent Icy River, Khanada, Hold Back the Rain (FAVORITE), Careless Memories. Of course, they are beautiful to look at as well, and that always helps! NOTE TO MEN: There are LOTS of nearly naked girls in their videos so even you can appreciate Duran Duran. Plus they are a great LIVE band...even today!
So, go ahead, make fun if you want. I am what I am - a child of the 80s with no shame of loving Duran Duran!
Compartmentalizing is the act of splitting an idea or concept up into (sometimes more or less arbitrary) parts, and trying to enforce thought processes which are inhibiting attempts to allow these parts to mix together again. This process is performed in an attempt to simplify things, and to defend against anxiety.
Compartment #1 - Work
This is where I drown in my workload and spend countless hours feeling overwhelmed and unappreciated. I feel victimized, targeted by unhappy co-workers who have never learned or refuse to consider that to build employees up results in greater productivity than beating them down. I squander more than the usual 8 hours per day trying to get through my "to do" list and accomplish my tasks all in an effort to have "Operations Manager" on my resume. I commiserate with others in a futile attempt to share misery. This cannot continue much longer.
Compartment #2 - The Archives
Unfortunately I have yet to spend a single hour as an actual volunteer at the National Archives and this makes me sad. Right now in my life, it feels like Compartment #1 is taking over all the other Compartments and I know that a few hours each week inside Compartment #2 could go far for my stress levels.
Compartment #3 - Home / Morning
My morning routine is shot. Compartment #1 and Compartment #5 (yes, we'll get to it) have derailed me. I don't like mornings and I try to be civil, smile, be kind but without some coffee and a few minutes for myself to do some yoga stretches, I'm basically an ogre only meaner. Usually during this time I get to feel like the woman I want to be...not the woman I tend to be.
Compartment #4 - Home / Evening
Lately my evenings are spent staring at a screen, either my laptop or my television screen. I don't like it but Compartment #1 is driving me to drink or at least not care which may be the same thing. I would rather spend this time outside or with friends or doing a project (and I've got several to pick from). I hate that my life is being inundated by Compartment #1, that I have little energy or emotional bandwidth to do much else.
Compartment #5 - Boyfriend / Lover
I have created a box for my feelings to live in and now I need to stash them there...at least for the time being. There was a time when YOU helped me cope with Compartment #1 but you aren't able to do that for me anymore. There was a time when you were a very important part of Compartment #3. I tend to think about YOU a lot and that's distracting. I imagine all sorts of scenarios happening in YOUR life, a few of them feature me though most don't. At this moment in time I cannot imagine another man in my life who will be enough for me.
So those are the Compartments of my life, the buckets where I try (often with little success) to file my minutes/days/months so that I can deal with it all. I wish there was a better way to handle the situations but I've hope for the future, hope that someday soon I won't have to divide up my life into segments that I can manage. I wonder what it'll be like to have all these compartments run together.
A photograph of the town I live in -
I live in one of the most photographed cities in the world but wait till you see the view from my windows...
That's the Scottish Rite of Freemanary's House of the Temple in the foreground. Need an easier explanation, check out this Wikipedia piece.
Yes, that's the Washington Monument in the background, about 1.5 miles away from me; and between me and it is the White House (which you cannot see because of all the other buildings too).
Pretty cool, huh!?
