Answers

Have you ever given someone the answer, the one you knew they were looking for but couldn’t find? It didn’t work out exactly, did it? That’s because the person you gave the answer to had to find the answer for him/herself. There’s just no other way. Think about that for a moment. The last time someone gave you precise advice (not the “keep your chin up” variety that we generally get and give but the very precise “go knock on 10 doors and ask everyone who answers for a cup of sugar” type), how did you take it? Did you take it? Come on, be honest. Did you really?

It is easy to see solutions for other people’s problems because we aren’t caught up in the day-to-day details of being that other person. We don’t understand their fears from a visceral perspective. We don’t have the same experiences, haven’t walked the same pathway, haven’t lived through the same consequences. Solutions seem so clear to us and, maybe, the solution is clear but that’s not any reason to expect another person, with free will, to follow our advice.

Plus, giving an answer defeats the growth purpose of a problem. Yes, there is a purpose to every problem, a lesson to be learned and not just to avoid having that problem or a similar issue repeated. Finding solutions to problems is empowering to an individual. Finding a solution and following through with the solution increases self-esteem. Taking responsibility for the problem and enacting the solution frees us from the misery of being a victim—and being a victim is not fun.

When you look at my life you see ways I could resolve my problems. Don’t lie. You do. I know you do because when I look at your life I see solutions. I know that you want to give me your solutions and that you want me to act upon them because, from your perspective (and I really have come to hate that word—but that’s a topic for another post), your solution would solve my problem…and therein lies the rub—it’s YOUR solution to MY problem.

The greatest victories in life are in finding one’s own solutions to one’s problems. Don’t believe me? Fine, then keep asking people for advice and then not following it and staying unhappy bogged down in your problem. If you see a repeated pattern of misery and woe, it’s probable that you’re either (1) not trying to solve the problem and/or (2) trying other people’s advice/solutions. Or, take a chance, ask The Universe and God for the best possible way to overcome and then do it. Don’t worry if it seems a crazy idea. Sometimes “sweeping up the Cheerios*” teaches you to listen and obey which is the first step required before the “big” answer is given.

I believe that we are on the earth to be happy, to experience joy. I believe that suffering and trials are teaching tools to help us make the necessary changes in our lives, changes that bring us closer to joy and happiness. Choose joy, no matter the perceived outcomes, choose joy and see what happens. Take the first step toward what makes you happiest and the next step will be illuminated. Don’t believe me, no problem, it’s not my promise but it works every time.

By the way, I’m not an expert at finding my own solutions immediately and I often try other people’s advice first which invariably leads to some sort of frustration or disappointment. I know that I’m not as invested in the solution when it wasn’t my idea. That’s human nature—no one likes being told what to do. I prefer being guided to the answer. You are no different than me in this way (even if you start to contradict me in your mind). And, sometimes, I think it would be easier if someone were to just take over my life and live it for me as long as they solve all my problems but that just creates more problems. I’m a free person and I want to make my own choices even if those choices seem “incorrect” to another person. Plus I learn best from my own mistakes (I will take your lessons under consideration though).

Why all this prattling on about answers? I would love to give you plausible, viable solutions to the problems you are facing in your life but even if you were to accept the solution and act upon it, one day you would wake up and think “none of this was my idea” and you would resent me, resent my solution, resent everything that followed. I will not contribute to regret, not yours, not mine. I don’t want you to resent me [to feel aggrieved about something or toward somebody, often because of a perceived wrong or injustice—Encarta Dictionary].

Does this mean that I don’t wish you could see an alternative? I do wish that because I wish you happiness and joy. So, my advice to you is this: be open to joy, be open to a solution that brings you closer to joy, head in that direction no matter how dark the pathway seems for the next step will light up if it’s the right way for you to go. God wants you to be happy on this earth in this life. Yes, He never said it would be easy, He only said it would be worth it.

*In our family “sweeping up the Cheerios” became synonymous with doing something seemingly incongruent with the requested blessing yet, in the end, lead directly to the manifestation of the miracle. Ask me about this some time and I’ll share this family adventure with you.