Healing

I'm not better. I'm not whole. I haven't recovered.


But time has past. It's past time, right? 


I see it on my friends' faces when I start feeling sad--they really don't want to hear about my heartache, they can't understand why my heart still aches. Some even tell me that I'm better off without him or they try to tell me that, since he didn't pick me he must be a jerk, that I deserve better.


I'm trying to "move on" (though no one can tell me how to do it). I pray that I'll wake up and be over him, not love him anymore, not miss him in my life. I beg the Universe for the desire to desire another man. I wonder when I'll want to have sex with someone else.


I want to heal. Please God please help me, help me heal.