Remembering

Like every other person in the U.S., my morning started just like the mornings before--the alarm went off and I complained about how early it was. I met my personal trainer and pushed my body as hard as I was able at 5:00 AM. It was 8:00 AM in New York.


I finished getting ready for work after training and headed to my car. I remember climbing into the driver's seat, putting the key into the ignition, hearing the engine start, nonchalantly increasing the volume on the radio as I did every single morning. The DJ said something about a terrible thing happening in New York City. I couldn't understand what he was saying even though he kept repeating it.


I called home. Kyla answered. I asked her as calmly as I was able to please put her dad on the phone. I asked him to please put the news on and tell me it was a joke, tell me that I misunderstood, that the DJ was making it up. I heard the channel change, I heard chaos over the phone line, I heard David tell me that it was true.


I drove to work, I guess, because I was eventually in the office, watching a static-filled screen, watching the repeated scenes of horror, real and absolute terror. I remember standing at the top of the North Tower on the Observation Deck with my family. I couldn't remember a New York City without those towers rising high, pointing ever upward. 


I cried. I felt hopeless.


In 2004, I traveled to the East Coast with David and Kyla. We went to the top of the Empire State Building and, as I looked south, I saw the hole in my home, the place where the Towers stood at one time. We walked that direction and then I stood at Ground Zero to see for myself. My emotions were raw and I hurt all over again. 


Ten years seems a long time but as I watch the news this morning, all the feelings rush back and I've cried again for the thousandth time. I have no idea what it was like for the families left behind or the citizens living in my City (or in DC). I only know my experience. I hurt when the crashes are replayed. I'm crushed as the buildings come down. Each time like it's the first time.


I am grateful that my dad saved a PanAm advertisement showcasing New York City. The Statue of Liberty centered between the World Trade Center towers at dusk. Each time I enter my apartment I am reminded. I am a New Yorker. I will not forget.