Compartmentalize

Compartmentalizing is the act of splitting an idea or concept up into (sometimes more or less arbitrary) parts, and trying to enforce thought processes which are inhibiting attempts to allow these parts to mix together again. This process is performed in an attempt to simplify things, and to defend against anxiety. 


Compartment #1 - Work
This is where I drown in my workload and spend countless hours feeling overwhelmed and unappreciated. I feel victimized, targeted by unhappy co-workers who have never learned or refuse to consider that to build employees up results in greater productivity than beating them down. I squander more than the usual 8 hours per day trying to get through my "to do" list and accomplish my tasks all in an effort to have "Operations Manager" on my resume. I commiserate with others in a futile attempt to share misery. This cannot continue much longer.


Compartment #2 - The Archives
Unfortunately I have yet to spend a single hour as an actual volunteer at the National Archives and this makes me sad. Right now in my life, it feels like Compartment #1 is taking over all the other Compartments and I know that a few hours each week inside Compartment #2 could go far for my stress levels. 


Compartment #3 - Home / Morning
My morning routine is shot. Compartment #1 and Compartment #5 (yes, we'll get to it) have derailed me. I don't like mornings and I try to be civil, smile, be kind but without some coffee and a few minutes for myself to do some yoga stretches, I'm basically an ogre only meaner. Usually during this time I get to feel like the woman I want to be...not the woman I tend to be.


Compartment #4 - Home / Evening
Lately my evenings are spent staring at a screen, either my laptop or my television screen. I don't like it but Compartment #1 is driving me to drink or at least not care which may be the same thing. I would rather spend this time outside or with friends or doing a project (and I've got several to pick from). I hate that my life is being inundated by Compartment #1, that I have little energy or emotional bandwidth to do much else.


Compartment #5 - Boyfriend / Lover
I have created a box for my feelings to live in and now I need to stash them there...at least for the time being. There was a time when YOU helped me cope with Compartment #1 but you aren't able to do that for me anymore. There was a time when you were a very important part of Compartment #3. I tend to think about YOU a lot and that's distracting. I imagine all sorts of scenarios happening in YOUR life, a few of them feature me though most don't. At this moment in time I cannot imagine another man in my life who will be enough for me. 


So those are the Compartments of my life, the buckets where I try (often with little success) to file my minutes/days/months so that I can deal with it all. I wish there was a better way to handle the situations but I've hope for the future, hope that someday soon I won't have to divide up my life into segments that I can manage. I wonder what it'll be like to have all these compartments run together.