Release

i want to let you go i want to move on feel free of you of your love of all the memories of the ghost of you in my life i want you back i want to be released i want something i cannot put a finger on or describe adequately i want to stop thinking feeling being hurt lost down blue green jealous anxious i want to be free like you are free like you seem free of it all i want to erase all memory of you i want to erase all hope for the happiness we could have should have would have had if everything were different i am tired of being that girl the one he wishes he met before before them before her before this before that before what you didn't you met me now and now it's time to choose oh you did you chose but not me i should be grateful right but i'm not i can't think of any reason to be glad only all the reasons why i asked you to pick me and i see all your reasons for not picking me because i'm not dumb or blind or whatever you must believe about me i see hard times ahead for me for you for everyone i see recovery and release but i also see time and distance i am looking for changes to make so that i am not reminded every day of you of what i lost yes i feel like there was a competition and i could have won but i didn't i lost i want to limit the number of times i'm reminded of you of us of love of happy of smiling of laughing of looking at you and seeing what i have wanted but what i cannot have what someone else gets i hope she loves you that she never once looks at you and thinks she could have done better or wishes you were different that she never takes who you are for granted i want to be released of all this of this conversation in my head this constant nagging feeling that i will never be the same again and that without you i will struggle to survive my life because with you i would have overcome mountainous obstacles i would have become an amazing woman and partner i would have learned to really love forever i would have known what being accepted as is one hundred percent please let me go so i can let you go i don't want to let you go i don't want you to let me go i don't want our link broken i am not the best i can be without you in my life but i need release i need new memories i need love and acceptance i need you i need you in my life to love me to protect me to take care of me and i need to love you and protect you and take care of you but i know that is just me hoping dreaming wanting more than is possible from life from you from this when will we be okay happy free whole is it a choice i make to suffer to continue or is something really wrong with the way things are right now i don't want you to suffer and being with me means you will suffer i cannot ask that of you because i do i do love you and i do want you to be happy i want to be happy too not being with you means i suffer i want to be happy i want to be loved i want to be accepted i want to be released released from pain